Well it’s throw back Thursday again and that means we almost have another week in the books. If you squint really hard you may just see the weekend starting to peek over the horizon. I hope that everyone has made it thus far with fuel still left in their “Happiness Tanks!” Many times in my life, I have laid on the virtual boxing mat of life looking up at the arena ceiling beaten, battered, and my “Happiness Tank” on ‘E’. In those moments, life has seemed to have delivered a knockout blow! As I lay there with a million and one thoughts running through my head, I ask myself if it is even worth it. Is it worth getting up for one more round? Is it worth trying to fight again? Wouldn’t it be easier to just give up? Wouldn’t death be simpler than life? Each time I have found the energy to reach my feet and fight again. It isn’t the easiest choice, but it is the right choice. Below you will find my Throw Back Thursday post. This piece of writing took me close to ten months to complete and pen out the way I wanted it. It is the first chapter in my book by the same name. Within this one piece of work is power that a lot of work will never achieve. This one piece of work saved me, the author. It started of a book and a series. It became part of my first published work and it started a movement that I still try to spread to this date. I hope you enjoy it, because to me it is all about the “The Long Step Forward.”
10/20/03 12pm
Though only months since you left my side, it
feels like a lifetime.
At times the pain has been more than my soul
would like to bear.
I thought the loss of you and the pain
associated with such a loss would destroy me the most.
How wrong was I?
When I buried you on that cold December day my
tears flowed like an unstoppable summer storm and the pain cut deep into my
soul.
At least with the pain I knew I was alive, on
the verge of insanity, but I could still feel.
But one night not too long ago, I envisioned myself
sitting in the corner of the world looking over past, present, and future.
As I sat there, I began to become numb to the
pain and the insanity.
And at this very hour your body lies in a cold
lonely tomb and I sit here numb to the world, not unlike the dead.
I never knew the power of pain until the day I
became numb to the world.
Living but dead and dead but living, I am so
numb to the world that
I can hardly tell that I am alive.
I thought the pain and tears would be my
greatest enemy I would face, but it is the numbness I fear that will destroy
me.
The numbness has made me so tired of
everything in life, but I long
to awaken from this nightmare.
I am not willing to stand still and I refuse
to step backward; forward is the only path for me.
I now realize for around ten months I have
been stretching out my leg for the long step forward.
It may take me ten more months before my foot
hits the ground and ten more before I lift my back foot off the ground to
prepare for another step.
It is not the time that matters the most, it
is the actions we take in that time.
Time to care!
Time to love!
Time to protect!
Time to think!
Time to hope!
Time to dream!
Time to live!
And in that such an hour, time to step
forward, even though all your thoughts are of laying down and dying.
Surviving has very little to do with strength
and almost everything to do with your passion to live and survive.
Passion forces you to do extraordinary things
when your strength tells you there is no more energy to be given.
Passion forces you to take that long step
forward and face the world
when all is dark.
It is all about the “The Long Step Forward.”
“The Long Step Forward" is a passage from my book “The Long Step Forward”
published by Bad T Publishing & Productions.
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